RESOURCES AND TIPS
All You Need to Know when working with me
It is important to equip ourselves with basic understanding of how our body and mind work.
This allows us to look at our difficulties in a more informed but most importantly more empathic way.
ATTACHMENT TEMPLATES
Secure:
Caregiver was quick, sensitive and consistent
Child is secure, exploring and happy
and believes and trusts that his needs will be met.
Avoidant:
Caregiver was distant and disengaged.
Child subconsciously believes that his needs probably will not be met. Might not be very explorative and emotionally distant.
Ambivalent:
Caregiver was inconsistent, sometime sensitive and sometimes neglectful.
Child cannot rely on his needs being met, is anxious, insecure, angry.
Disorganised:
Caregiver: extreme frightened, frightening or passive.
Child severely confused with no strategies to have his needs met. Might be depressed, passive, angry, non-responsive.
BRAIN AND TRAUMA
Depending on which part of the brain was already developed and operating that part will be affected by trauma:
Brainstem - survival / primitive brain
develops: in utero
Trauma affects: sensory and somatic responses
Fight, Flight, Freeze, Fawn
Limbic - Emotional brain
starts developing at birth
Trauma affects,
attachment, emotional regulation and behavioural regulation
Cortical - Thinking brain
starts developing at 3/5 years old and continues to grown until the age of 25.
Truma affects:
self-esteem, dissociation, cognitive problems
ACT
SETTING BOUNDARIES THERAPEUTIC WAY
This is a proactive way to interact with children before the crisis happens.
Acknowledge the Feelings
Communicate the Boundaries
Target and Alternative
PACE
Dan Hughes suggest that using this approach supports building relationships with especially troubled children
Playfulness
Accepting
Curiosity
Empathy
3 RS OF REACHING A LEARNING BRAIN
Dr Bruce Perry suggest 3 R method to aid vulnerable children through emotional regulation.
REGULATE- to address survival brain and create the neuroception of safety
RELATE - to address the emotional brain without attuned relationship
REASON - we can help with reflecting, learning and remembering
ASSERTIVE CHILD WAY OF SPEAKING
I feel ....
I need....
I request .....
SHIELD OF SHAME
Shield of Shame
Highly insecure children struggle with being confronted about what they actions. Any boundaries are seen as total rejection of themselves. They can either totally surrender into self-disgust or fight that terrible filings with Shield of Shame.
Shield of shame strategy consists of:
Deny - I did not do it!
Minimise - It was't that bad!
Blame - It was his fault!
Rage - You always blame me for everything!
STAYING PRESENT WITH YOUR CHILD
Be mindful:
Whatever you do, do it on purpose
Stay present in the here and now
Do not judge just observe
BREATHING IDEAS
Whatever the emotion is, it will pass.
Box Breathing - 1-4 in, 1-4 hold, 1-4 out, 1-4 hold.
Animal breathing i.e. breathe out like a bumblebee or a snake.
ALWAYS GO THROUGH IT NOT AVOID IT
Inside Out Sadness comforts Bing Bong - YouTube
We are often so afraid of the uncomfortable feelings. What is needed is the believe that all emotions will pass and it is alright to go through them together.
PLAYTIME WITH YOUR CHILD LEADING THE PLAY - 20 MIN A WEEK/DAY.
Child led
Not teaching
observing and noticing
Practice:
SAY WHAT YOU SEE the child is doing, saying, feeling or thinking.
add STRENGTH when you see behaviour you like
add CAN DO when you see behaviour you don't like
GRIEF
Stages of Grief
Denial - its a mistake
Anger - it's not fair!
Bargaining - God please bring him back!
Depression - mourning the loss
Acceptance - realising the inevitability of death
The tasks of grief:
1. To acknowledge and accept the reality of death
2. To WORK THROUGH the pain
3. To adjust to living without the loved ones
4. To maintain connection while moving on